A sense of grief and toil had taken over me.
This exam has an element of probability that no one can predict.
The struggle was real. The teacher would non stop go through his lecture, and explain the concepts/ theory/ ideas etc.
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This exam has its own way of humbling you.
Each class used to be 2.5 hours each. Making it a total of 5 hours of coaching classes daily. The classes used to be 7 days a week.
I was cycling from one of my coaching institutes back to my PG.
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Thousands of students swarming in Old Rajendra Nagar.
.
And..
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500 students in each batch. God forbid if you were late to the class - you would have to push your way through the seats. (Old aspirants reading this know which institute I am talking about).
Do drop in a message, would be happy to talk.
I lacked a mentor when I needed one.
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So, yes, the UPSC is considered the toughest exam in the world because there is a ‘luck’ factor coupled with subjectivity in the exam process.
Your credentials do not matter!
If one says, they can help you crack the exam with X AIR, it is difficult to do so.
Can the right person make a narc want to change their ways? Is love that powerful? Has anyone seen this or experience it?
The batch sizes were huge!
“But, it is nearly impossible for one to predict who will make it to the ‘holy list’. Yes! I can say that if an aspirant who has done X, Y, and Z can increase their chances of selection, but it is just not enough. There is always a matter of luck (or, probability).”
Appeared for the exam and instantly knew I would not be making it this time!
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I prepared for the next 3 years (2016 to 2019)
Searched for my roll number.
In case you are wondering, how did my story end?
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Cut to 2-3 months post prelims. Results were declared.
I did not move for the next 30 minutes..
But, then it hit me hard.
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Anyway!
I was constantly staring into the ground
Relatively in a better position after my exam failures, but a void still exists!
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
If we haven’t met, my name is Suryansh Sodhani.
And, I had not made it.
And entered the park.
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I had heard rumours going around that the results had been declared.
“I have more than 20+ years of teaching experience.”
2016 I graduated from college. The same year I began preparing for the UPSC.
I did not go back to my home.
I vividly remember that evening.
A gazillion thoughts running through my mind.
It is almost impossible.
And, after all, it was a matter of great pride and respect.
2017 June - I appeared for the first time for the UPSC Prelims (after a year-long preparation)
.
There is no mathematical formula where you know that if the inputs are controlled, you can achieve X outcome.
After checking the PDF, I chained my cycle to a lamp post ..
I remember the very next day my coaching institute professor telling me -
It lasted approximately 10 months.
All the best!
Dare you, peep in your neighbour's notebook. After all, it is a national-level competitive exam - people tend to be extremely competitive. Tough days…
And, now working as a digital marketing freelancer for international clients.
And, so I began preparing for the exam with high hopes and determination.
I write answers on Quora that help UPSC and other government exam aspirants.
Also, simultaneously prepared for other exams
I joined two coaching institutes - One for mains preparation and one for my optional subject.
Worked for a marketing agency
I said, “Yes! I believe so.”
Keep your ego aside.
I hurriedly opened the holy PDF.
“I, too, was an aspirant, 20 years back. I have met board toppers, state board toppers, and college toppers with more than 9+ CGPA who prepare for this exam.”
Dropped them
Immediately after this conversation, I left the institute.
So, hopefully, my answers help aspirants who need help.
This is the very reason you will hear IIT, IIM, AIIMS graduates failing to clear the UPSC.
And crushed myself and ‘my expectations’ on it.
In my head, it was a do-or-die situation for me.
“Suryansh, let me tell you something. Do you feel the best of the best students from all over India prepare for this examination?”
I was alone in Delhi back then
I looked around me
I was determined to clear the exam and then go back home.
Found an empty bench..
I parked my cycle near one of the parks en route to my PG.
Nevertheless, I hustled my way through the coaching program.
You would have to be on your toes. If your mind drifts apart for even a second, you will lose your chain of thoughts and notes.
“All of these students are great from an academic point of view. They have always scored 90%+ during their school days, some have even scored 9.6 CGPA and above during their 10th boards.”
All achievers in their own way.
It was summertime in Delhi. I was allotted a far-off centre in Najafgarh.
Cleared multiple of them
